Melting Down...

Originally posted March 25th 2007

Tonight I had a melt down...
not a sort of upset meltdown, but one of those where you cant breath and feel like your going to make yourself throw up because you cant get enough air melt downs.
Have you ever had something that you cant control just come at you so strongly that you cant take it?
I wish that bad things never happened that I could ensure that certian things would not happen...but I cant.
And that makes me angry....
tonight I was yet again faced with the terrifying realization that one in every three women WILL be raped.
I knew this its not something new, but everytime it comes up I cant handle it. Their is something deep down in my soul that wont let me just let it pass.
I also came to the sad realization that thier are lawyers who do nothing but take care of these cases....who could tell you stories that would make you throw up. I am just not sure how to be ok?
I was shocked to find that women who I know as strong have come across this.
It struck too close to home.
I am NOT ok with this.
I refuse to except it.....and after being told that hiding was not an option either(which I am aware of, but not necessarily ok with) I realize that I have to face the problem....
But, I dont know how.
I dont know how to avoid something that terrifying....
i dont know how to fix this problem...but I know I have to work to.
I dont think this is making very much sense because im too sick to even be coherent....
All I know right now is that I :
1. Need to get new pepper spray.
2. Take a self defence class.
3. Do something.

I feel like this was scattered, but it was also therapeutic. This makes me think of either Petes, or Marcis sayings....I cant remember whos this is
" Be the change you want to see in the world."
"bring it to the table. bring what i am able"